She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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