those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
