my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
