Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The air taste purple.
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