I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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