i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
