I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
