I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
