I wannas sexs uuuuu
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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