I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
