i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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