I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
