It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
