The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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