my vag is so smooth its legendary
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
