i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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