So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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