Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
