She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
