Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't turn off my feet"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're too hungover to prance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
