oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
