I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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