CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
