do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
