all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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