is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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