I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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