I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
