I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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