UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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