I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
a search helicopter?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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