I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
