pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That accounts for only three of the penises
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
