He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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