i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
