I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
