watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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