decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
