i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
