I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
