theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
