i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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