he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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