Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
