They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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