Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sext me about skeletons
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
