this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Barsexuality is the new black.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
