You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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