In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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