The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
