why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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