a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
