**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
