Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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