On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
