i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
